It came back...

Sometime, knowing the truth doesn't really make you feel better. Now i understood...
I hope it is not real! I hope it is just a dream! I hope it is misunderstanding or i saw wrong stuff!
i hope i didn't go and meet you that day...
Why all of these come back to me again? I thought it is over. Why you never show me what's your intention earlier? i thought u meant it... you never know how i went through all these pains... Don't play around with my feelings! i beg you...
Jesus Christ, help me Lord. It is too painful, too difficult for me. I have no idea if i can endure to the Your day!
If this is only a trial, please pull me out as soon as possible! Please...